This week’s article in the Toronto Star about the changes in Canadian workplaces for LGBT employees is encouraging. It is good to hear from large corporations who are making a difference in the daily lives of their LGBT employees. 

In our quest to further inclusion, invisible diversity is often much harder to address because we don’t see it. For lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans-identified employees there is another layer: fear. What will change when people know? Will I be safe? Comments like “that’s so gay” and homophobic jokes (as well as silence about these rather than clear messages of inappropriateness) poison the work environment for LGBT people and send a message that it’s not safe to be out. For workplaces to be safe for LGBT employees there needs to be solid expectations about zero tolerance for homophobia, transphobia and heterosexism in policy and practice, awareness-raising, and support.

The Toronto Star article mentions several examples of  how to move towards more LGBT inclusive workplaces: Employee Resources Groups with executive champions (RBC), forums to discuss what it feels like to be LGB or T in the workplace (IBM), supporting community initiatives (TELUS), and including relevant benefits (TD). Strategies and commitments such as these help increase visibility, and create awareness and opportunities for dialogue that enable us to make the changes necessary for the inclusion of LGBT colleagues in our workplaces.

Leadership, of course, is key; without commitment from leadership, these programs lack the impact necessary to help create lasting change.

Hats off to the companies listed in this article, and their employees who are helping to make LGBT inclusive workplaces a reality across the country!

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Copyright 2011 Annemarie Shrouder
author, speaker and facilitator on issues of diversity & inclusion


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Coffee, anyone? 10/28/2011
 
Seems like the Tim Hortons in Blenheim, Ontario will get more attention than they bargained for this coming Thursday…but not the right kind.

Last week a lesbian couple were asked to leave the premises because their public display of affection was upsetting the customers. The first thing that came to mind: They need some positive-space training.  I have a call to make.

Of course there is a he-said they-said going on about what they were doing, but that’s not what I want to write about today. What’s on my mind is the way we treat situations differently, depending on who is involved.

Does the young heterosexual couple sitting outside Tim Horton’s get a second glance from inside when they hold hands, have their arms around each other, or kiss? Maybe. Are they asked to leave, upon threat of calling the police? Er…hmmm. Seems excessive, doesn’t it? And yet, switch the couple and it’s what happened last week.

Things happen around us all the time. Some things stand out, others we don’t even notice. Was it the PDA or who was doing it that got the customer upset at Tim Horton’s? Was it the PDA, who was doing it, or who complained that caused the ill-advised reaction (“leave within 5 minutes or we’ll call the police”)? Or was it the person handling the complaint that went too far?

Sometimes when you are different, anything you do is seen differently. Cultivating awareness about the lens we are using to see (and judge) things and people is how we stop this, and create more equitable and inclusive spaces.

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copyright 2011 Annemarie Shrouder
author, speaker & facilitator on issues of diversity & inclusion
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Today President Obama started the process of making Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell a thing of the past. Hurray! The video is moving, and he makes some amazing statements about civil rights and recognizing people for their contributions.  It’s a decision that from this side of the LGBTQ human rights debate, makes perfect sense. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with how men and women serve their country (or any other job). But it’s long been an excuse to exclude some, while supporting homophobia.

I applaud President Obama’s commitment to this issue, but here is my question:

What is the US military going to do to make sure that their men and women are safe? Already today I have read that one of the considerations is how to assign barracks. This suggests that homophobia is alive and well and that possibly, while it may be ok to be gay in the military, it will be a lonely life that will ask certain soldiers to prove their allegiance and be reminded every day that they are “different”.  That is not a place where I think anyone would like to find themselves, and certainly doesn’t engender confidence that we can really be who we are.  

Signing papers is a first step. I hope there is a lot of education, training, discipline, and zero-tolerance to back it up to make sure gay and lesbian soldiers are safe and truly feel welcome.

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I attended the Pride Community Advisory Panel (CAP) consultation with Racialized communities at the 519 Community Centre last night, and I can’t shake the frustration.

There is so much wrong with this situation.

This CAP was not commissioned by Pride Toronto. They are a group of community members and allies committed to hearing the communities’ voices and helping to create change. This is amazing, and they are doing good work. However, organizational change has to happen from within. The people inside have to be up for it – recognize that it’s needed, want to change. I’m not seeing much evidence of that, and this worries me. The CAP was formed outside of Pride Toronto, and Pride Toronto agreed. I would argue that they agreed because their back was against a wall. The last 8 months have not been pretty. Rightly so, there were many questions raised in the room last night about where this will go, if our input will be heard, and what happens next.  Beyond the report and the recommendations – then what?  It’s a good question – but I have to say that I think it’s a question we should be asking ourselves and our communities, not Pride Toronto.

As I listened to many people speak passionately and thoughtfully about the history of disrespect, lack of engagement, and disregard that Pride Toronto has shown Racialized communities and community organizations, a few things strike me.

First, there is such a long history. This is not a new problem. This concern did not rise up this year. There is a traceable history with Blockorama and Blackness Yes and many community organizations that have seen their place at Pride go from (literally) within the centre to the margins. Obviously Pride Toronto doesn’t “get it”. 

Secondly, Pride Toronto has grown from a grass-roots, community-based organization based on resistance and struggle for rights to a corporate entity. This means that money is the bottom line. Getting it - and getting more next time. This is a red flag; there is no room for community engagement when you have sponsors to worry about. 

When you combine corporate mentality with the history of disrespect and disregard, why are we surprised that no one is listening? That no one cares? That the voices that spoke up in the Spring are still speaking, after more of the same occurred again this past Pride?

Let’s not forget that (although we don’t like to talk about it) systemic racism is woven into the fabric of our country. Add that to the mix and our worries about “will this round of talks make a difference” is an even bigger question mark. 

That’s plenty to make me angry, but here is the thing that has me particularly upset: When will we say “enough”?

We are strong people and a strong community. And we know what we want. I sat in the room, listening to calls for justice, understanding, humility, apology, and to make it right. And something nagged at me. The anger boiled up and I thought, why are we still here? Stamping our feet and talking about all the wrong that has been done and what we would like to see to repair it – when it’s been going on for years!  In April at the meeting with Pride Toronto about Blockorama, the theme was “the fire this time”. That fire is fueling the passion at these talks, but I hope that’s not all.

Marginalized groups are the ones who fight for change. I understand this. We are the ones affected and we fight to make things better for ourselves and others. Part of this is raising awareness about what is wrong, because if it doesn’t affect you, if you don’t feel it, then sometimes you can’t see it and you need some help. So we speak up. Sometimes we have allies. Often it works. But there are many effective ways to create change, and I can’t help but wonder how long we are going to rattle this cage until the people inside “get it”.

We know what we want. We are very clear about what Pride means to us, and that Pride Toronto is not living up to that. We are clear that we – the community - are Pride; that Pride is ours. Why does it feel like we are asking (and waiting) for recognition from an entity that is not representing us, and seems like it could care less about us, instead of breaking out and creating the change we want to see?

Last night's meeting was a good forum (if you missed it, or any of the other 5, check out www.communityadvisorypanel.ca and send in your thoughts)  I have confidence that our voices were heard and that our concerns will be reflected in the recommendations to Pride.
And then what?
What happens if there is no significant change, or hint of movement towards it?
What does "the fire this time" look like then?



 

 

 

 

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President Obama added his voice to the It Gets Better youtube project this week. I have to say "wow! good for him!" Nice to know a president would reach out in such a personal way. But, there's not much to it that really addresses the problem.
Of course, President Obama is not gay. And so he doesn't know what it's like. He says so in the opening few seconds. Kudos.
What struck me most was the message of how it sucks to be bullied, and it shouldn't happen, and that kids should reach out. And here is the crux of the problem: Gay and lesbian and trans kids often don't have supportive parents to reach out to. Or supportive relatives. Or supportive siblings. Or supportive teachers. Or supportive Guidance Councellors. Or supportive Religious people. Or...you get the drift. The endemic problem in America (and Canada) is that it's still not okay to be gay. Period.
Until that changes, you can say all you want, Mr. President, that kids should seek help and support. But they aren't going to find it. If this were happening, we'd have 11 more LGBT youth alive today (that we know of). But we don't. Suicide is a last attempt at peace when all else has failed - when people tell you you are bad and wrong, when no one listens or acts in response to the harassment. When you have no where else to turn and you are exhausted. 
You may know what it's like to feel discrimination and "be different" President Ob- but I'll bet you had people willing to stand up for you and tell you you are worth it, and not to let someone tell you differently because of the colour of your skin. 
Lucky you.

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copyright Annemarie Shrouder 2010 
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My neighbours Carol and Sandra run a company called Total Defense. They teach self defense to girls and women. Much of these workshops are in high schools.

At the beginning of this school year, in one of the sessions, a Grade 12 student raised her hand just as Carol was introducing the first session and said something like "I'm a lesbian, how does this course pertain to me?".  Of course Carol explained that anyone can be an attacker - men or women - so it's important for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, culture, etc. to be able to protect themselves. 
   
Three things come up for me in this story, which is why I wanted to share it.
  
1. It was a good question.
2. Thankfully this student is comfortable enough to be out and ask it.
3. Carol didn't miss a beat. 
  
Egale Canada's recent report on Homophobia in Canadian schools suggests that 75% of LGBT students feel safe in at lest one place at school, and hear homophobic comments every day in school. In that kind of environment, this student would likely not have asked her question, and maybe she would have tuned out, figuring it wasn't important for her to learn since she dates girls.
Violence occurs in many forms. While we may typically assume that women should take self defense classes in case they are attacked by a man, it is also possible to be attacked by another woman. Being aware of and challenging assumptions like these helps us to be vigilant.
Sometimes teenagers ask questions just to get a rise out of instructors and teachers.  With anyone else this session could have gone horribly wrong. But Carol is on top of her game. It was a good question. She had a great answer. And talking about it probably gave the students something more to think about. Which is what good instructors do.

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© Annemarie Shrouder 2010
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This evening I attended a networking event and panel discussion. The topic was how LGBT women navigate heterosexism in the corporate world. The 4 speakers were all dynamic, accomplished business women. However only one of them addressed the topic. One wasn't LGB or T, and the other two shared their stories of how and why they came out at work, and the implications.

Don't get me wrong. We need allies and they are important. Sharing our stories is also important - it helps us to understand each other better. But I can't help but wonder at what is left out of conversations when we focus on our coming out stories.

While it is true that each coming out story has, as it's context, heterosexism and homophobia (or else we wouldn't spend so much energy deciding if and when and how and to whom to come out) - these usually form the background. What we miss, then, are opportunities to talk about the things that are not just about us, as LGBTQ people, but about everyone and the society we live in, and what has to change for our workplaces, schools, and communities to become inclusive.
 
Heterosexism and homophobia are the reason we don't come out, that LGBTQ youth suicide rates are higher, and that depression is an issue in our communities.  We need to talk about what these look like (particularly heterosexism, since it is systemic and insiduous, and hard to detect if you are not impacted by it) and how to eliminate them. Coming out stories can provide a context to explain the intricacies of heterosexism and homophobia, but usually we stop at the story, and don't go far enough to accomplish this.

Creating LGBTQ inclusive and safe spaces is important. Lesbians, gay men, bisexual individuals and transgender individuals benefit: less stress, more engagement, more productivity, more belonging.  Our straight allies benefit: the opportunity to see different perspectives. Compnaies benefit: broader ideas, greater reach to communities. But to create these spaces and reap these benefits we have to ask the hard questions, talk about the tough realities, and work together to create awareness and change. Stories are not enough.


© Annemarie Shrouder 2010
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So Ken Mehlman has come out. 

It's not shocking to me to find out that someone who has been backing right wing views against all things gay actually is gay.

Homophobia is alive and well in our societies and internalized homophobia is no exception.

I'm sure the question has arisen in many minds "how could he be part of the RNC and their agenda as a gay man?" and this is what I'd like to talk about today.
  
Because I'm sure a lot of people don't get it.
  
Coming out publicly is the only part of this process that is seen - because it involves other people. Coming out as a public figure is probably many times more stressful. But before someone who is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender comes out to the people they know and love (and in this case, the world..) they first have to come out to themselves.
And that - in a society that still tells us it's wrong and bad to be gay, in a country like the USA where you can still be fired in some states for being LGB or T, where you have no rights to marry the person you love in most states, and where you can still be imprisoned in some parts of the country for being intimate with that person - is not an easy thing.

Everyone has their own journey Ken Mehlman is quoted as saying. And he is right. The process of realizing, recognizing, and then accepting that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is different for everyone. But the messages and laws in many countries make this journey much harder than it needs to be.  Even in a country like Canada, with good human rights laws, homophobia and heterosexism continue to shape how (and if) we are seen and acknowledged.

So it is possible to deny that you are gay until the cows come home - if it means the difference between having and losing everything and everyone you know - or even the risk of that. It is possible to try to convince yourself you are straight, because it would be so much easier. And we can cultivate the art of pretending we are okay with a life that is not really ours.  Because the alternative seems worse - and sometimes is. And when we do this, we choose roles that fit the role we have chosen. If not to prove to others we are not gay, then to bolster our hope that it could be true.

Internalized homophobia is painful. It means you cannot love yourself, because you don't like who you are. Of course you would want to be someone else under those circumstances. if only because of the erroneous belief that you will feel better.

Ken Mehlman's journey is his. I have no idea what it was like. But I can imagine the torture of denying who you are, and of supporting a cause that continued to drill it into your head that who "those people" are (who you are) is fundamentally flawed.

It's no shock to me that Mehlman also said that he is happier and wishes he had done it sooner.

© Annemarie Shrouder 2010
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(c) 2011 Building Equitable Environments