This evening I attended a networking event and panel discussion. The topic was how LGBT women navigate heterosexism in the corporate world. The 4 speakers were all dynamic, accomplished business women. However only one of them addressed the topic. One wasn't LGB or T, and the other two shared their stories of how and why they came out at work, and the implications.

Don't get me wrong. We need allies and they are important. Sharing our stories is also important - it helps us to understand each other better. But I can't help but wonder at what is left out of conversations when we focus on our coming out stories.

While it is true that each coming out story has, as it's context, heterosexism and homophobia (or else we wouldn't spend so much energy deciding if and when and how and to whom to come out) - these usually form the background. What we miss, then, are opportunities to talk about the things that are not just about us, as LGBTQ people, but about everyone and the society we live in, and what has to change for our workplaces, schools, and communities to become inclusive.
 
Heterosexism and homophobia are the reason we don't come out, that LGBTQ youth suicide rates are higher, and that depression is an issue in our communities.  We need to talk about what these look like (particularly heterosexism, since it is systemic and insiduous, and hard to detect if you are not impacted by it) and how to eliminate them. Coming out stories can provide a context to explain the intricacies of heterosexism and homophobia, but usually we stop at the story, and don't go far enough to accomplish this.

Creating LGBTQ inclusive and safe spaces is important. Lesbians, gay men, bisexual individuals and transgender individuals benefit: less stress, more engagement, more productivity, more belonging.  Our straight allies benefit: the opportunity to see different perspectives. Compnaies benefit: broader ideas, greater reach to communities. But to create these spaces and reap these benefits we have to ask the hard questions, talk about the tough realities, and work together to create awareness and change. Stories are not enough.


© Annemarie Shrouder 2010
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