On Monday I delivered a Respect in the Workplace training. The objectives were to raise awareness about appropriate and inappropriate behaviour, and what to do if you, or someone else, is being harassed or bullied at work.

What I have noticed in these sessions is that there are glaring examples of inappropriate behaviour that most of us can agree on, but that it is often difficult to understand that something we are doing, that wouldn’t bother us, can be causing someone else to feel uncomfortable.

In the world of acronyms, it is not surprising that there is one for this concept as well. My colleague Rhonda Hight introduced me to IBI – which sums up the reality and challenge of respectful workplaces and the Ontario Human Rights Code.

Intent
Behaviour
Impact

The bottom line is that regardless of our intent, it is the behaviour we choose – and its impact – that is taken into consideration in determining whether what we did is appropriate or inappropriate.

This can be challenging. What I see in workshops, is that while people may “get” that jokes or comments about race, culture, gender, sexual orientation etc are hurtful to those whom they target, it is often much more difficult to “get” that (for example) calling someone “sweetie” (or some other term of endearment), could be uncomfortable.

We may think that this last example is a shame – or too over the top – but that’s likely because we too think “sweetie” is a term of endearment. Perspective is everything. And in an increasingly diverse workforce we need to continuously find ways to learn about and appreciate the different perspectives of those we work with. So that we can all contribute to creating and sustaining respectful and safe workplaces.

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Copyright 2011 Annemarie Shrouder
author, speaker and facilitator on issues of diversity & inclusion

President Obama added his voice to the It Gets Better youtube project this week. I have to say "wow! good for him!" Nice to know a president would reach out in such a personal way. But, there's not much to it that really addresses the problem.
Of course, President Obama is not gay. And so he doesn't know what it's like. He says so in the opening few seconds. Kudos.
What struck me most was the message of how it sucks to be bullied, and it shouldn't happen, and that kids should reach out. And here is the crux of the problem: Gay and lesbian and trans kids often don't have supportive parents to reach out to. Or supportive relatives. Or supportive siblings. Or supportive teachers. Or supportive Guidance Councellors. Or supportive Religious people. Or...you get the drift. The endemic problem in America (and Canada) is that it's still not okay to be gay. Period.
Until that changes, you can say all you want, Mr. President, that kids should seek help and support. But they aren't going to find it. If this were happening, we'd have 11 more LGBT youth alive today (that we know of). But we don't. Suicide is a last attempt at peace when all else has failed - when people tell you you are bad and wrong, when no one listens or acts in response to the harassment. When you have no where else to turn and you are exhausted. 
You may know what it's like to feel discrimination and "be different" President Ob- but I'll bet you had people willing to stand up for you and tell you you are worth it, and not to let someone tell you differently because of the colour of your skin. 
Lucky you.

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copyright Annemarie Shrouder 2010